Panorama: A desert of the American west. Nature's colors baked away by the sun–a dry, cloudless sky washed out to a pale blue. Then a roar of souped-up engines as a squad of boss roadsters tear along the highway. They plow through an unpaved turnout, turning brodies in the billowing dust, squealing their tires on the dirt. Then the big block letters rush the screen: Hot Rods to Hell.

No, it's not a driver's ed film from the '50s (actually, it could be), but rather an entertaining pot of B-movie cliches spiced with verbal bouts of hip teen slang and blazin' cool muscle cars ripping across lonely desert roads.

Father Knows Best
The story follows Dana Andrews as Tom, the patriarch of the Phillips family–including wife Peg, teenage daughter Tina, and pre-teen son Jaime–who moves to the California desert town of Mayville to run a motel after injuries sustained in an auto accident require a change of job and climate. Beyond Tina's sorrow over leaving her friends and Tom's continually aching back, the trip to sunny California goes well until the very end, when some hot-rod hoodlums dragging on the freeway run the family off the road. Tom here offers one of the film's many, many great quotes (write these down, kids, and impress your friends!) when chastised by his wife for grabbing the steering wheel from her: "I had to do something–even if it was wrong!"

Not Quite the Mod Squad
The hot rodders in question are summed up by a trio of juvenile delinquents. Gang ringleader Duke is the handsome but cruel ladies' man, happy to drop his current chick–"Who needs stale bread?"–once he sets eyes on sweet Tina Phillips. He later becomes committed to driving the family from town once he discovers that Tom Phillips is taking over the motel that serves as the local party hangout. Ol' Duke can't stand the thought of a square like Phillips crimping his style.

Duke's current chick is Gloria, the loose blonde from a bad home out looking for adventure. Despite getting libidinous thrills from Duke's reckless driving ("Yes! Yes!" she cries, perched on the back of his speeding roadster), she's bothered by his aimless-rebel life. Yearning for a way out of Mayville, she remains stuck in this hick town facing the thrill-seeker's dilemma: "What's left for kicks?"

Ernie is the geek sidekick. (Not much more to say, really.)

Okay, Enough Subtlety
The thinly veiled moral begins in earnest when the Phillipses escape a run-in with the hot rodders by entering a lush, green picnic area–quite literally an oasis of middle-class American values–filled with conservatively dressed nuclear families enjoying family picnics and playing family sports. As they barrel down the road to safety, mother Peg sums up the situation: "They won't dare follow us here!" And indeed they don't. The demon teens and their hot rods stop at the entrance, unwilling to enter this culturally off-limits area.

During the Phillips' brief stay at the Picturesque-Pond-Smack-in-the-Middle-of-the-Burning-Desert Rest Area, we meet two more key characters. The first is Mr. Authority Figure, a gruff lawman whose lucid comments about the problems of youth like Duke are clouded somewhat by his taste in car-safety headgear. "These kids have nowhere to go," he says, describing the hopeless world in which such rebels are reared. "Giving them cars like that is like putting guns in their hands."

Next we have Mr. Non-Authority Figure, a drunken fool who risks his family's lives as well as his own through irresponsible driving habits. He disregards the cop's warnings, and ignores the citation handed him. He is a middle-age Duke who never learned his lesson. He will, of course, learn it by movie's end.

Sex, Dancing, and Rock and Roll
Eventually, the Phillipses make it to town, where lastly we meet Dailey, the motel's former owner and Mayville's consenting adult/party animal. Despite his well-deserved image–observe his rotating selection of bimbos–Dailey seems to have a growing sense of responsibility. He's had it with helping the punks get drunk, and is leaving town before things blow up in his face. Dailey's vaguely remorseful actions are lost on Duke, who sees him as a traitor, and who belligerently defies anything resembling responsible-adult advice with, "You think you've done so good you can preach to us?"

Dailey's defection triggers a wave of shifting alliances among the hooligans and even the Phillips family. With his former allegiances faltering, Duke turns up the pressure on young Tina Phillips, enticing her with promises of acceptance, fun, fast cars, and the forbidden pleasures of the rock and roll bar and a motel room.

Dad Vs. the Devil
Tina nearly succumbs. After entering the bar, she declares "I'm going back," only to find that leaving won't be so easy–she's in too deep. Luckily, Dad finds out she's missing, drama ensues, and we are treated to a soliloquy on the nature of temptation by the repentant Tina. I hope this isn't sounding too Biblical, because we're not done yet.

Tom decides to turn the ship around while everyone's still on board. He abandons his motel plans, throws the fam in the car, and heads off down a rarely used desert road in the middle of the night. Unfortunately, this is exactly the sort of setting where a reckless and despicable hot rodding punk can once again practice his malicious activities.

The cultural/religious symbols come hard and fast, and Righteous Tom must defend his conservative standards–oh, I mean his family–by finally facing the Evil Duke, pitting his mature wisdom against Duke's sinful, selfish arrogance. The end comes in the typical fashion of a modern morality tale–car crashes, tire beatings, and threats to "clean up all the slop and garbage and smell" afflicting Mayville. Mr. Authority Figure shows up in his helmet to add his comforting presence, and the credits roll, as they say. Amen.

But were they wearing seatbelts?
Not only is this a great morality tale, but it's a fine piece of '60s B-movie memorabilia. The acting is hokey, the message clear, and the "ruffians" more neatly dressed than today's average high school student body president. It's also a perfect snapshot of the fears of the American post-war middle class seeing their morals challenged by the rebellious youth who don't know how good they have it. Hot Rods to Hell is truly an entertaining historical document.